The Glamorous Life of a Systems Engineer (SE)
Hello World!
Let’s be clear: I love solving complex networking and security problems. I truly enjoy designing and implementing a secure system that won’t implode when someone actually clicks on an obvious phishing link. What I didn’t necessarily sign up for is standing in front of a room full of cybersecurity professionals with a PowerPoint deck pretending that this is how real security happens. Here’s the dirty truth: No breach has ever been stopped by a perfectly aligned bullet point.
But alas, the modern workplace has decreed that if you know something, you must present it. With PowerPoint, with a straight face, and preferably without any noticeable contempt for the whole process.
They Told Me to “Tell a Story” – I’m a Cybersecurity Engineer, Not a Kindergarten Teacher: Apparently a PowerPoint presentation has to “tell a story.” Here’s mine: A threat actor got past a misconfigured firewall, took a Sunday stroll thru the entire network, and then exfiltrated next year’s design, pricing, and implementation plans. The moral of that story: Update your firewalls, build in some redundancy, and stop giving interns access to the entire network. But instead of using this real-world testimonial, I have to “craft a narrative” about how our zero-trust framework can “empower secure innovation and collaboration.” Oh, and I am obligated to mention AI at least six times.
Impossible Demands: Management says “keep it under a dozen slides”, but cover all 14 critical integration scenarios, 9 defense modes, and 4 compliance points. Make sure the formatting and fonts match, and only use the corporate-approved colors. Use lots of visuals, but no clip art or memes. Don’t forget to include AI everywhere. Also, Gartner quotes are always appreciated.
The Audience: 20% Curious, 80% Jaded: Time to present. My coffee mug is full, but my laptop refuses to properly mirror the displays. The HDMI cable is apparently sentient and hates me. I finally get it working, albeit upside down, as people shuffle in. Half have their laptops open. The other half are scrolling on their phones.
Presenting to cybersecurity customers is like presenting at a magicians’ convention: they already know how the trick works, so they’re just here to see if you screw it up. The indifference in the room is palpable.
Q&A Gauntlet: Why Isn’t Your Product Perfect? This is when the customers like to let me know that they are much smarter than me. This is also their chance to remind me of all the things that our solution doesn’t do.
- “Does this integrate with our legacy ticketing system from 2009?”
- “Can it run entirely on-prem with zero cloud dependency?”
- “Why can’t the AI agent predict attacks before they happen?”
- “Have you considered integrating blockchain?”
Yes, I’ve heard it all. And no, there will not be any ridiculous blockchain integration. But somehow, I have to answer all of these questions in a positive manner. So let’s go with: “Blockchain integration is a very complex subject. I suspect that we are far ahead of our competitors in this field. Would you like to explain your requirements to our blockchain expert? I would be happy to setup a Zoom conference.”
Aftermath: The presentation is over. People clap, but it is the kind of applause that says “thanks for playing.” Someone suggests that we “do this again next quarter.” I smile and nod.
Giving a presentation to cybersecurity engineers is like running a marathon in flip-flops. Technically, it’s possible, but it is also awkward and outright painful. They all know the game. They’ve seen the breaches. They’ve lived through vendors overpromising and underdelivering. They’ve earned the right to be skeptical. So, if you’re going to present to this crowd, bring you’re A-game. No fluff, no hand-waving, and no marketing hyperbole. Show up with substance, along with some humility. And don’t forget to mention AI.
Stay tuned for more nerdy columns about my experiences as an SE. Next month I will share some suggestions for overcoming these obstacles when presenting.
